I know you know the feeling of loss. Loss is an experience that most humans share. I have had my fair share of endings and beginnings, loss and acceptance. Have you lost a mother? Have you lost a father? Have you lost a lover? Have you lost a husband? Have you lost a friend? Have you lost a dream?
Loss implies an ending, which often brings very difficult emotions, although inadvertently carries within a very simple concept: the end is necessary for a new beginning. The new beginning may not be something that you embrace fully. The loss of a parent to death takes a very long time to find solace in a life without them, a new beginning. Likewise, the end of a relationship, so it can transform into something new...perhaps a friendship, or just a lesson.
Endings are necessary. Chapters end. Life transforms. One FUNDAMENTAL sensation for processing an ending or a loss is ACCEPTANCE - the full integration of what is, not what you wish that was.
How does ACCEPTANCE feel? What does ACCEPTANCE look like?
I was spending the weekend with family at a town near Yahuarcocha in Ecuador. In kichwa, the indigenous language of this part of town, Yawar means blood, and Kucha means lake. So, I was near a lake of blood basically. Besides the historical meaning of this lake, that I invite you to ask me in session if you would like to know more; as you know, whenever we decodify symptoms, blood means family and lineage. I took this opportunity to do further work in decodifying my lineage. Remember that looking at what our lineage is made out of, their shadows and gifts, can be painful to look at, but it does not always have to be this way.
Our family trees carry lots of endings and beginnings. The ending of a relationship with an abusive or an emotionally distant parent, for example, first has to go through the sensation of ACCEPTANCE, the integration of a family member and their behaviors, just as they are. Once we do this, we create more freedom within ourselves to move forward (you define where is forward). ACCEPTANCE does not mean to get closer, nor that things will be like in the past.
The exercise of acceptance may sound like this:
"My parent (insert lover, husband, wife, friend) is not an ideal parent.
They are who they are.
They have limitations in their ability to give.
They have limitations in their ability to receive.
They have limitations in their ability to love.
I carried a fantasy around my expectations for my parents.
They cannot meet my expectations. Maybe they never will.
Their actions do not define me."
Apply these affirmations of acceptance to a parental relationship, friendships, or other endings. After ACCEPTANCE, we can begin to move on to forgiveness if needed. Allow time to help you in this process.
Ancestral Decodification is one of those techniques that I use in session where we step out of the ego-centric idea that we are here alone. Our lineage, want it or not, systemically, biologically, energetically, behaviorally, sends information to all of its members; this is how nature works - all organisms are connected. Now, this does not mean that you have to repeat the patterns (poverty, scarcity, lack, violence, estrangement) in your lineage. The difference between humans and other organisms in nature is consciousness.
Ancestral Decodification: Detangle, heal, and break intergenerational patterns. If you have done everything in your power to change your individual self, yet you carry a burden that comes down from your paternal or maternal lineage, then Family Constellations (in the line of Bert Hellinger) and Psychomagic (Alejandro Jodorowsky) will help you cut the chords from your ancestral past.
Yahuarcocha, Ecuador, 2023